Fire alarm goes off

If we're really on fire, I'll have no qualms about smoking

Winter

My eyes feel cold

What do you give Father Christmas when he visits you Ash?

Nothing, he's dead

Training apes to communicate

I think eventually we could train Gorillas and Apes to communicate with us...

A thought for the future would be to make them cleaners

I couldn't eat a duck

They look too much like humans... like the one that looks like Gordon Brown

Upsetting...

You upset me so i just looked for pictures with the keyword: shit

Discussing how smoking could cut life span

If you had 5 years left to live, what would you do?
Some painting

Brain

When you're testing something it sort of becomes part of your brain

Star Wars

I never got into it... but I did watch Tron on a Sunday afternoon with some cheese on toast

Upon hearing the confirmation of Gaddafi's death...

Poor man... he did have a huge mole on his face

Ikea

Life is furniture

Imagine a Dinosaur having a dump...

... it would be like an avalanche

The Circus

If people have to work in offices, elephants should have to dance

Breakfast

"Have you had your breakfast today?"
"Yes, I've had a Satsuma"
- Next day -
"Did you have your Satsuma this morning?"
"No, we've run out"

On Mortgages

Yeah but you don't need to pay a mortgage deposit for a mortgage you already took out and got one out for

Which flavour IAMS?

Cat flavoured Cat Food

Hard or Soft Water

I like my water to have a bit of Chlorine in it

Submarines

I would use a Submarine to go underneath other boats and steal their food.